I live here now

Over the last several years, I have slowly alienated every member of my family and many friends. I am an activist for democracy and democracy is dying under Republican corruption. Along with democracy, the feminine is dying.

I have a sense I am fighting not only for my life and freedom but the life and freedom of every woman and child in the World.

I have a sense this is what I am supposed to do now. Most of my friends and family would rather I did not. They do not approve.

I have found that being around them, I feel as though they do not understand the danger we are facing in America. It is difficult for me to tolerate their disapproval, but that is where I live now. Communicating with them is just like communicating with my abuse, alcoholic family of origin.

I have taken to writing all leaders in Congress and Senate every week to appeal to them to do the right thing. I send emails and I post on LinkedIn and Facebook.

When I am in battle, I am intense.

I am in battle for the feminine and democracy. My fight is not with people, but when people are doing and saying things to enable the Republican insurrections, I do not want to be associated with nor in relationship with them.

I find myself feeling like the German citizen during the age of Hitler warning others who do not seem to take the threat seriously and are anxious to move on with their life. If we lose this battle, women, children, other abled and people of color lose everything. Life will be difficult for more and more people. The climate crisis will destroy Mother Earth. We will live in a military nation with those who are compromised silenced as well as those who speak out for them (the media). History will be revised for the victor (the aggressor) as usual and survivors will move on. We will not count the dead, the crimes, the cost of destruction and no one will be held accountable.

I am engaged in some new, hopeful activities myself and my activism is a priority. I have less time to worry about what my family and friends think about what I am doing. I do care for myself daily and quiet my mind. I self-enquire to make sure I am not becoming one of them as I fight them with the only tools I have available to me, my time and my words. I actively work to manage my grief and despair on a daily basis.

In Germany, about 1/3 of the German population turned a blind eye to what Hitler was doing. Viktor Frankle, a psychiatrist and European Jew lost his entire family to Hitler and nearly died in a concentration camp. He said what enabled him to survive is that he decided that where he lived (in a concentration camp) was his home now. He began to be of selfless service, comfort the afflicted and give away what he did not need. He adapted to his circumstances without going numb to them, without losing himself.

Viktor Frankle is my mentor. Having lost my relationships with many friends and family members, I am not in despair. This is where I live now. It is not personal. It is my duty to fight for what I believe is right.

It matters how you fight your battles. I am not afraid!